_{Inside my Heart by Saskia Boddeke}

KamaK is a renowned professional theatre company in the Netherlands for actors with “intellectual disabilities.” Multimedia artist, stage director and filmmaker Saskia Boddeke is a diehard fan and has been following its work for around 15 years.

"I knew the director of the group, and he invited me to come and see their performances. I immediately was taken by their performing skills," says Boddeke (whose other recent film projects include the Rose D'Or winning The Greenaway Alphabet, about her husband, director Peter Greenaway, and a travelogue Down the Volga).

Boddeke had worked with one of the actors on her 2011 installation project A Day In The Life Of A Castle, filmed in the re-opened Castle Amerongen. She had also faithfully attended all of the KamaK group’s performances including their spectacular, baroque production ‘Furia,’ a period piece written by Oscar Wagenmans. It is a play in rhyme and full of lust, murder and romantic conspiracy. "I thought this was the one I could do something with,” the director remembers.

Now, Boddeke has made the film Inside My Heart (a world premiere in IDFA's Luminous section). It follows the rehearsal period and subsequent transformation of the stage performance into a film. For the actors, this is a profoundly emotional experience. It shows the excitement of the actors to become 'movie stars' and their constant confusion about what is real or not real.

Slowly, the concept came together. “When I finally started the project, I precisely knew the film I wanted to make, to blend the rehearsal period and the feature film into one.” Boddeke decided early on to be entirely "inside their bubble… I didn't want anyone to talk about the actors or to speak for them. If one of the actors had a problem speaking, I wanted them to help each other. They are very strong as a group and very supportive of each other."

Because Boddeke was directing the rehearsals, she grew increasingly close to the actors, and could enter their world with her camera. She filmed rehearsals with the group for three weeks. Then the group went on location for nine days to film the feature.

The actors talked very frankly about their feelings and private lives on camera throughout the filming. Boddeke talks of the "love and care" they showed toward her. They could be mischievous and manipulative, but their kindness was always evident.

The director suggests that the actors released the freedom that performing gave them. “When they’re mentally disabled, you have to look after them - and looking after them brings up quite a lot of rules. They’re not allowed to do this, they’re not allowed to do that. It’s all to protect them. I can understand why the rules are necessary - but most fun and the ‘deadly sins’ are organised out of their lives. We all have our sins and enjoy them but we secretly do them - but for them, they don’t have that privacy.”

Performing gave the actors a chance to escape from this constant supervision. “Wherever you are, whatever you are, we all have the right to explore that part of our lives,” Boddeke suggests. "I could see the struggle there. They also long for sex and relationships, but for them it is difficult to bring these longings into reality."

"We had a wonderful time with them, and we all felt a little bit healed by being with them. The director and crew relished the chance to work with KamaK actors. They gave me a lot. Of course, I gave them the present of the film, but they gave me a chance for an enormous amount of self-reflection… the whole experience made a big impression on me, and I hope that people can see why in the film."

 “I hope the film will travel to other festivals because I think it is a festival baby! I really hope a lot of people will see it,” Boddeke ends.

Inside my Heart is produced by Witfilm. It is supported by the Netherlands Film Fund and Film Production Incentive.
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